During my initial call with Jonathan's mom, her biggest fear was that his plan for life after high school wouldn’t lead to success. She believed college was the only way, and since Jonathan’s plan didn’t involve higher education, their relationship had become strained with constant arguments.
To move forward, I asked her to let go of the idea that college was the only path. I assured her that we would explore all options together, and our shared goal was for Jonathan to find success on his own terms.
In my first session with Jonathan, he told me he didn’t like school or college and wanted to travel the country in a van and blog. While this was a possible career, I suggested we dig deeper to ensure it was the right fit for him.
As parents, it’s natural to feel responsible for our kids’ success, but ultimately, only they can define it for themselves.
Fear often drives us to push our teens toward what we believe is best, but this often leads to resistance. How can we ease this fear and support our teens? Here are three strategies:
Redefine Success
Our idea of success—typically a stable job, financial security, and happiness—might not align with what our teens envision. They might value freedom, creativity, or unconventional paths like Jonathan’s initial plan. Instead of fearing their choices, encourage your teen to define success for themselves. Once you embrace that their journey might look different from yours, you can help them explore career paths that align with their goals and passions.
Trust Their Journey
Looking back, your career path probably wasn’t a straight line. It likely had unexpected detours and challenges, which shaped who you are today. Your teen’s journey will have twists and turns too. Instead of worrying about the bumps along the way, trust that these experiences will help them clarify their goals. Work together to explore options, research potential careers, and plan pathways, knowing that detours are part of growth. When teens feel supported in their exploration, they are more likely to take ownership of their choices.
Encourage Resilience, Not Perfection
The key to success is resilience—the ability to face and overcome challenges. Think about the obstacles you’ve overcome in your career; those struggles helped build your success. Your teen will face challenges no matter what path they choose, and that’s a good thing. Encourage them to embrace challenges and develop problem-solving skills. Instead of focusing on the "perfect" career path, help them build resilience to navigate the ups and downs. Resilience will serve them far better in the long run than striving for a perfect, struggle-free plan.
It’s completely normal to want your child to avoid struggles and achieve success, but fear-based guidance can often push teens away. In Jonathan’s case, as he gained confidence in his post-high school plans, his mom’s fears started to ease. She let go of her worries by supporting his definition of success and encouraging him to face challenges.
Interestingly, Jonathan eventually decided that traveling in a van and blogging wasn’t what he really wanted. Through reflection and research, he discovered that a career in the FBI, pursued through an ROTC program with a Criminal Justice major and Psychology minor, was a better fit for his goals.
Jonathan defined success for himself, and that’s what truly matters.
Trusting the process of your teen's career exploration can seem scary. But, using these strategies, you too can find relief from that fear and effectively guide your teen into their version of success.
Want more about how to help your teen?
College Is Not Mandatory book (which has a full career-development guide suitable for any teen!)
ONET My Next Move Interest Inventory and Career Research site
CareerOneStop Career Interest Assessment and Career Research site
Schedule a free Discovery Call to explore 1-1 custom career coaching
Comments