Why Your Teen Might Be Avoiding Planning (and What to Do About It)
- Stephanie Haynes
- Jul 10
- 2 min read
If They Know It Matters… Why Won’t They Try?
If your teen knows planning matters, why won’t they engage? You’re not alone in asking this.
Many parents are watching the summer slip by while their teen avoids any talk of the future.
But here’s the thing, avoidance doesn’t mean your teen is lazy or unmotivated. It often means they’re feeling overwhelmed, unsure, or afraid.
Let’s look at what might really be going on.
What Avoidance Might Really Mean
Your teen avoids planning, not because they don’t care, but because something deeper is getting in the way. Common reasons include:
Fear of failure: They don’t want to commit to something they might not succeed in.
Overwhelm: So many options that they don’t know where to start.
Pressure: They’re afraid of disappointing you or others.
Perfectionism: If they can’t get it right, they’d rather not try at all.
Your teen might not have the words for this but they’re likely feeling it
What Doesn’t Help When Your Teen Avoids Planning
We’ve all been there. These are common responses with good intentions that often backfire:
Nagging, bribing, or using ultimatums
Constant reminders that time is running out
Jumping in to “fix it” without asking what they want or need
Even when we mean well, these responses can increase pressure and shut down progress.
What Does Help: The Parent-as-Coach Approach
Here’s what can open the door instead:
Ask open-ended questions
Example: “What’s something you’ve been curious about lately?”
Listen reflectively
Repeat back what they say to help them clarify their thinking
Encourage exploration
Make planning about discovery, not decisions
You don’t need to have the answers. You just need to walk beside them.
One Gentle Step Forward
If you’re feeling stuck, try just one of these this week:
Sit down for a short values or interest conversation
Watch the [Parent University workshop] and pick one idea to try
Use the Summer Planning Toolkit to guide a coaching-style conversation
Progress looks different for every teen and sometimes, taking the pressure off is what finally opens the door.
Need Help Opening the Conversation?
Download the FREE Summer Planning Toolkit or check out the Parent Workshop replay. Both are designed to help you support your teen without the power struggle.
